Princess Celestia's Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day
by Timetrixter22
Summary: In which Celestia doesn't feel so well and everypony pays for it. Humor/Crack, oneshot.


Princess Celestia's Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

A/N: Here goes nothing, hope you enjoy.

MLP

The sun was not happy today, not happy at all. Or rather, the Princess of the Sun wasn't happy. The object of her ire was not a pony, but the populous of Equestria was going to pay for it anyway.

The day had started out normally enough. Celestia had awoken from an unnecessary, but pleasing slumber, and had trotted out to her balcony to raise the fiery orb. That's when things went wrong. The moment the first rays of light spilled over the hilltops, the Solar Monarch began to feel sick. "Ugh, not again" She muttered under her breath. Yes there are things, other than anthropomorphic personifications of chaos, magic absorbing beasts, changelings, and sisters on a bad day, that can get to Princess Celestia. Things of such wicked, twisted power that Goddesses quiver when besieged by them.

"Sun spots." Celestia said with a moan, and after a few seconds contemplation, she dragged herself back inside, instead of lowering the sun. Energy lit up around the Alicorn's horn, and in a split second, the entire room went dark. With memory only matched by her faithful student, Celestia made her way back to her bed. She would not attend the court today, no siree, and there was no force on this earth or any other that could get her out of her chambers and its cool darkness for the rest of the day.

And that's when her door slammed open.

"Your majesty" a voice called, and a young unicorn guard by the name of Bronze Blade dashed in. "We're being attacked! It's the changelings, they've returned, and Queen Chrysalis is at their head, its a full oninvasion!"

Celestia wept into her pillow before rising from her bead, head already pounding.

"Alright, I'll take care of it, seeing as Twilight and the rest of the Elements are out of the country on a mission." Celestia braced herself and trotted through the doors.

"Also" She said, stopping and turning to look at the stallion "You need to work on your disguise, the real Bronze Blade doesn't have a beauty mark." And so saying the Diarch set a shimmering bolt of energy into Bronze Blades chest, and the stallion went flying across the room. As the doors to her room closed, Celestia missed the pained groan and speech that the untransformed Bronze Blade emitted "It's not a beauty mark, its dirt." The dull orange stallion collapsed into unconsciousness, his ruler totally unaware of her mistake.

MLP

Celestia, in lieu of using a window, blasted a hole in the side of one of the castle walls when she saw a changeling fly past. Soaring through the air, her immortal eyes quickly located the sight of Chrysalis as she besieged a squadron of Pegasi. Wings flaring, Celestia flew over to the group, Solar energy blasting from her horn. A net of yellow spread out from the tip of her horn and landed on the changelings, dragging them down. Sickly green sliced through a portion of it however, and Chrysalis freed herself.

"Hello Celestia, come to surrender?"

"Chrysalis" Celestia said with a growl "What are you doing here?"

The changeling queen smiled "Oh Celestia, don't you get it?" Chrysalis took a breath "_Now is the time, do you not see? Now is the time, and now it must be. You're but a Princess and I am a Queen, and I am the one t-_ A bolt of Solar fire struck the queen midword, and cast her to the ground.

Celestia's eyes burned with anger, energy, and a bit of actual fire. "Now is not the day to TOY WITH ME CHRYSALIS!" Celestia cried, switching into the Royal Canterlot Voice (which is newer than the Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice). "FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST EQUESTRIA THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE SENTENCE!"  
>"No" Chrysalis begged, even as she tried to rise to her feet.<p>

"TO THE MOON!" Celestia declared, and a wave of Solar energy exploded underneath Chrysalis. And like that, the changeling queen was gone. The changeling army looked around, now devoid of a leader.

One brave changeling stepped forward. Shifting into the guise fo a nondescript earth pony, he spoke "Um, your majesty, I don't suppose we could just leave, could we?"

Celestia cast her gaze about the damaged town, ignoring the fact that the battle hadn't been long, and that she had caused most of the damage. "LOOK AT ALL THIS PROPERTY DAMAGE!"

"So, uh, do you want us to fix it?"  
>Celestia didn't hear him "NO YOU MAY NOT LEAVE!"<p>

"Right, so uh, I guess we'll help rebuild, come on guys, let's get started."

Celestia gazed in shock, having missed everything he had said due to the ringing in her ears caused by her own voice.  
>"YOU DARE ATTEMPT TO LEAVE, EVEN WHEN I FORBID IT!?"<p>

"No no, we're trying to help, see-"  
>"VERY WELL, IF YOU WISH TO LEAVE I WILL NOT STOP YOU, IN FACT I WILL EXPIDATE YOUR DEPARTURE!"<p>

"Uh, your majesty, please don't do anything too hasty-"

"TO THE MOON!" Tiny columns of energy sprung up beneath every changeling in Canterlot.

Celestia finally calmed down. "Well that was unpleasant" she remarked, before rising into the air.

In the Not The Canterlot Voice But A Voice That Carries Really Well Voice she said "My little ponies, do not fear, I have repelled the changeling invasion." Cheers erupted around town, as the ponies heaped praise upon their ruler. Unfortunately, Celestia was still suffering from the Sun Spots, so the cheering only exacerbated her headache. Without another word, Celestia soared back to her palace, entering through the same hole she had blasted out of the wall.

"I'll need to get that fixed" She remarked, making her way back through the halls and into her room. It seemed that the changeling had been caught in her spell, because there was no one in her room when she arrived. Little did she know Bronze Blade was now in the castle medical wing, being treated for a severe concussion.

Settling down, the Solar Monarch buried her head under the covers and attempted to sleep. And that's when Serving Tray threw her door open. "Good morning your majesty, oh its dark in here, that was a great showing against the changelings, ohoho your really taught them a lesson I bet, anyway lets get you all ready, you have lots of stuff to do today and you don't want to be late." The incredibly chatty servant ignored the fact that her ruler wasn't saying anything, and was in fact shaking under her covers and continued to yammer on. Then she flung open the curtains, and what little relief Celestia had was torn away.

Rising from her bed, Celestia eyes the unicorn for a moment before taking a breath to calm herself. _Breathe_ _Celestia _she thought to herself _just breathe _she continued and added to this mantra as she finished getting ready. _Breathe, relax, everything is going to be fine, you can just adjourn court exceptionally early today, and everything will be fine._ Serving Tray pushed in a cart, and Celestia nibbled at the food, finding it not really to her liking, even though she typically loved whatever the cook Stirring Spoon came up with. _At least you've got your Camelmile, nothing makes you feel better like a nice cup of Camelmile tea_. Celestia felt her breathing slow even more, and she allowed herself a slight smile as she took a sip from the ornate cup.

Celestia's eye's shot open, this did not taste like Camelmile tea.

"Serving Tray" she said, voice measured "what kind of tea is this?"

"Oh well I don't know your majesty, I had to rush to get here on time today, so I just grabbed a pot, I think this one is for Madame Merrifoal now that I think about it, its got her insignia on it."

Celestia gave her maid a blunt look "So your saying this isn't Camelmile?"

"Why yes I suppose so your majest-"

"TO THE MOON!" Celestia exclaimed, and a pillar of light sprung up underneath Serving Tray.

MLP

Celestia, ignoring the new hole in her ceiling, walked out of her room. As she made her way through the halls Celestia's headache only grew. By the time she had arrived in the court room, she was ready to blow again. "Hullo Princess Celestia" A obnoxious nasally voice greeted, and Celestia turned her head to gaze at a unicorn mare by the name of Snobbish Sneer.

"Hello Snobbish" Celestia greeted, nodding her head before taking her seat.

The court filled with the rest of its members for that day after another few minutes, and they got down to business.

"So" Celestia said through gritted teeth "You're proposing a high tax on the farmers in east Equestria?"

"That's right" Snobbish said "It's simply necessary, I've lost nearly three percent of my wealth due to tax reductions, it simply can't continue. You see my point don't you dear?"

"As much as I hate to admit it, she has a point about the taxes" Said a blue stallion by the name of Barry Bookkeep. "Not so much about her wealth but in terms of tax reduction. Its created an unsustanible boon in the localized economy, if we don't do something, it's only a matter of time before things over there fall apart."

The rest of the court began chattering, and Celestia's already thin patience snapped.

"So, do you have a practical suggestion? Think carefully before answering" Celestia warned Snobbish.

Said scarlet mare sneered snidely "Of course your majesty, like I said, we simply raise the-"

"TO THE MOON!" Celestia cried. Once more a pillar of light erupted from the ground, and when it was done Snobbish was gone.

"So, any other problems?"

"Um well your majesty, there's still the matter of the unstable economic boom." Barry pointed out. "What do you intend to do about that?"

"TO THE MOON!" Celestia said, but this time no pillar erupted.

"Um, your majesty, are you okay?" Barry asked "That didn't seem to do anything."

"I sent the farmers to the moon."

"Wait what? You can't just send an entire section of Equestria's farmers away, that's-"  
>"TO THE MOON!" And like that Barry was gone.<p>

"Anyone else?" Celestia asked, quirking an eyebrow.

One brave pony raised a hoof "Um your majesty, I have a petition here for shorter work hours for guards and-"  
>"TO THE MOON!"<p>

The next two minutes and thirty-seven seconds passed in a blur of light and magic. At then end, the only pony left in the room, including the guards was a young unicorn mare with a pink coat and purple and white streaked hair.

Said mare merely looked at the Princess, who had grown angrier with every passing banishment.

"Let me guess" The mare, by the name of Fairly Foresight said "To the moon?"  
>"TO THE MOON!" Celestia agreed.<p>

The court room now empty, Celestia decided to check up on the rest of the castle staff.

Unfortunately for the staff, they'd never dealt with an angry Celestia, and so they didn't acknowledge the warning signs, obvious as they were, and did nothing to get out of her way.

Stirring Spoon, when presented with the less than sane smile on his princesses face did not flee, but rather smiled, opened his mouth and promptly put his hoof in it.  
>"Hiya yer Majesty, sorry 'bout the tea this mornin' but I-" Which was as far as he got before Princess Celestia told him, in those elegant tones that only royalty can muster<p>

"TO THE MOON!"

MLP

The events that followed led to the loss of first the maids, then the gardeners, guards, and the rest of the cooking staff. By the time that Celestia was done, the castle was deserted.

Still feeling restless and eager to calm down, the Solar Monarch made her way to Canterlot.

Unfortunately, Canterlot was loud, and that is the end of that story.

MLP

Making her way past what remained of the royal city, Celestia teleported herself across the stretches of land between her city and Ponyville. The quiet nature of the small town had always appealed to her. With the Elements gone, Ponyville would surely be the perfect place to be while she simmered down. It's a shame she forgot about the Crusaders. After another failed endeavor to get their cutie marks involving five fire extinguishers, a bathtub filled with yogurt, a commemorative plaque belonging to a little known author by the name of Velum Script, and thirteen toilet plungers, Celestia was less than pleased.

"TO THE MOON!" She cried, and the CMC vanished. After that, Big McIntosh accidentally bumped her with his cart, and the red stallion vanished in a flash of light. Then Cheerilee used an improper noun, and for being a disappointing teacher was give an all expense paid vacation "TO THE MOON!"

The Cakes babies cried too loud, and their entire shop went up in light. Derpy dropped her mail bag, and the next thing she saw was a flash of light. Things seemed to calm down for a moment when a small emerald green filly gazed up at the Princess with tear filled eyes. Celestia ceased blasting for a moment before she noticed that the little Filly was wearing a _Luna Rules_ Necklace.

"TO THE MOON!"

Snip's and Snails "TO!"

A passing Trixie "THE!"

Doctor Whooves and Rose "MOON!"

Ponyville in its entirety "TO THE MOON"

Manehatten "TO THE!"

Fillydelphia "MOON!"

All across Equestria the Royal Canterlot Voice rang out.

"TO THE MOON!"

"TO THE MOON!"

"MOON!"

"MOON!"

"MOON!"

"MOON!"

"MOON!"

"MOON!"

"MOON!"

"MOON!"

"MOON!"

_"TO!"_

_"THE!"_

_"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"_

Eventually, the day wound down, and Celestia teleported herself back to her castle.

"I don't remember there being so many holes in the castle." She remarked "I'll need to get someone to repair that immediately" Celestia cast her gaze about, but the normally bustling castle was deserted. "Where did everybody go?"

"Greetings, my sister, how doth the night findith thou?" A familiar voice said, and Lune glided down from her tower.

"I-I don't know, I don't really remember much of today." Celestia admitted.

Luna gave her sister a worried frown, which only grew as she took note of what had happened to the castle and city.

"Sister, doth thou happen to have come down with a case of the Sun Spots again?" She queried.

"I-I think maybe so, that would explain it."

"Thou shan't need to worry, sister dear, We will sort everything out after We have raised the moon." Luna reached out with her magic to grasp the moon in her mystic embrace, when Celestia stomped her hoof.

"Luna" She said, eyes once more ablaze, "It's not time to raise the moon yet, the sun still has another three minutes."

"Oh dear" Luna muttered under her breath "Now Tia, let's not over react, you know what happened last tim-"  
>"<strong>TO THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"<strong>

A massive pillar sprung up under the Lunar Monarch, and as her sister vanished into the evening sky, Celestia heard the dim echoes of her sister's cry "Princess Luna is blasting off agaaaaaaaaaaaain!"

Celestia collapsed, exhausted, and as she did so, she allowed the sun to sink below the horizon.

Abruptly, everything came into startling clarity. The ruined castle, the abandoned and smoldering city and the utter lack of sound. "Oh dear" Celestia said as she looked around her ruined city.

Whoops

MLP

Meanwhile, on a much too crowded moon, a pink mare with absolutely no reason nor ability to have been there cried out "LUNAR PAAAAARRRRRTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYY!"

MLP

A/N: O.o I have no idea where this came from, but I had a lot of fun writing, please tell me what you liked and what needs improving, its probably not very good being my first MLP story, but I gave it a shot. Anyway, again, please R&R every bit (Budumcha) helps.


End file.
